Rues of Roo

When you think back on the past, isn’t it strange how things used to be habitual? About six months ago, it was almost ritualistic to go to His Grace Café and drink ice blended coffee at half the price of Starbucks.This time last year, it was almost ritualistic to go to that dessert stall and eat mango pudding. Two years ago, every Sunday, it was Loon Tao and wa dan siew ngap chow hor. Five years ago, London seemed so habitual. As did the rain. Strange, how these habits seemed to linger and seem so natural.

And so also isn’t it with people? I used to see you every week, and we all used to talk together and sing together. I used to spend time catching up with you, praying for you. It’s just so bizarre, really, how people can really just come, and become so familiar, only to disappear the next year, or the year after. And yet, the people that linger in your heart the most, are those that you disliked the most.

And yet now, you don’t really miss those things, do you? Well, I suppose in a way you do, or you used to (remember how habitual that used to be?) or moan about Singapore, or complain about how much you miss home (read “London”). Those things used to be habitual, for sure. You used to sit in some church and wonder “why?” and ponder really whether there was ever going to be another place where you could serve and actually be happy doing it, enjoying it, and get back into that way of life. That used to be habitual.

I guess moving on, getting up, carrying yourself, it’s all sort of a long drawn process. And if you think about it, a year or two isn’t really that long a time. It felt like it, but I guess that was how it felt at the time, a sort of perpetual, habitual, rummaging in your bag of sorrow time. Of course I can’t say everything is perfect. I guess life might get pretty boring if it all was. It’s all a journey, as they say, and honestly, I do try to cut out the clichés and throw up sappiness of it all, but hey, that’s just the way it is and you all know it too.

Two close people left me last week, and it was interesting because I remember being in a similar situation last year, though under pretty different circumstances. This year was good. I guess I tried to make it that way, and as it draws to a close I think I can safely say that the economy is back on the rise. Interest rates are down. Sub prime issue is over. I’ve got my investments in good places. All I can say, really, is that when, and if the bubble does burst, that I have the foundations to keep me in place.

Thanks. God.

p.s. the photo doesn’t have anything to do with the post.