Archive for the 'Inane' Category

I know an iPhone

Published
by
theroo
on November 11, 2008
in Inane and Rue
. 2 Comments

I know an iPhone.

The iPhone looked and me and looked all pretty. “Touch my screen,” she whispered. And it was so damn good to see those icons scrolling across that screen. Her shiny chrome Apple icon on the back, glittering. She was proud to be an iPhone. For sure. She smiled as she showed off her app downloads and her album art. She was proud to have a touch screen, proud to be the star. Proud to be coveted, to be the symbol of Apple. To be the one true profit churner in a financially unstable world.

But as an iPhone, she wasn’t so good at doing practical, irrelevant things, you know, like making phone calls, forwarding smses, or adding multiple recipients with one deft touch, like Nokia phones do. But she denied it all, of course. She had her strengths, yes it was true, and she flaunted them, endlessly. She was an iPhone, after all.

I said one day, “I wish Nokia phones were svelt and smooth. Had great user interfaces. But I guess they’re forever consigned to be the ‘business phone’”

“WHAT?” she screamed. “How dare you! Those poor Nokias, they are just subject to the poor Swedish design! You are a terrible phone person, consigning Nokias to their stereotypical impression. You must dissimilate your impressions!”

I touched her screen and watched the windows minimize and maximize with such ease and beauty. Then the phone rang and an sms came in at the same time and she crashed.

“Do you know what dissimilate means?” I asked.

“…” she paused. “No,” she mumbled. Sheepishly.

“What about truism?”

“Through isn’t?” she blubbered. “Speak properly!” she demanded.

Sad, really.

Magic Black Belt

Published
by
theroo
on September 20, 2008
in Inane, Rue and Sartorial
. 1 Comment

I’ve always noticed and picked up over the years how girls say that wearing a black belt (thicker the better) makes them look skinnier. I always thought this was complete codswallop until yesterday I put on a thick black Ted Baker belt and looked at myself in the mirror and said ‘why the heck are my hips so small?’

Wow.

From Home

Published
by
theroo
on September 7, 2008
in Inane, Photography and Rue
. 0 Comments

It’s a strange thing, to come home, to go home, to see home. Differently.

There are a lot of messed up people in this world. Not because of relationships, not because of jobs, not because of a distinct lack of purpose in their general life. But because they just don’t know where home is.

Imagine finishing a day’s work and returning to a place you don’t recognise. To a place, empty, devoid of humanity. With no one to sit next to on the sofa, no one to gaze at the television, to make snide remarks with.

Imagine not really knowing how long, how far, how much you’re meant to live in one place before you might move to the next.

Imagine making a place you think is home only to suddenly remember somewhere else is home, or is it home, or is it not? Was it? Is this? Where is it? What? Here? Where? There? But… there? How? Could it be? Should I? Maybe? No? Yes…?

It kills you. Slowly. Just when you thought you could forget about it, and think it didn’t matter. It jumps out of the box, and sticks a stake through that weak, sensitive heart of yours.

But at least we’re not sheep. Eh?

Baa. Eat British Lamb

Defensive Stupidity

Published
by
theroo
on July 19, 2008
in Inane and Rue
. 4 Comments

I honestly don’t know why people are defensive about certain things.

Well, okay, that’s just silly, of course I know, it’s because they’re insecure with their insecurities and their more-than-a-hamster-running-in-a-wheel stupidity (minus the cuteness).

So I suppose the real question should be, why are people not willing to lower their stupidited-ness? Knowledge is something we all lack, whether it be in the things we ought to know, and most definitely in the things that we do not. So the most intelligented-ness thing one could and possibly should do is receive the enlightenment of a more well informed and experienced individual.

But I know people who, even when engaging in activities they profess to know nothing about, get extremely fidgety and tense and “leave me alone” defensive when you begin to advise them on the process. A word of advice. Don’t. There are many reasons why, but most obvious of all is that YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ANYWAY, so refusing words of advice or instructions in how to do something just makes you look more dense and hamster-in-a-wheelish than I already think (and now know) you are.

Well sure, there’s always the defense of ‘I want to try myself’ or ‘I won’t learn if you keep telling me what to do’, but seriously, in this day and age, who the hell has the time. Your waste of time is my waste of time, and time is money and generally all things fun that I want to do.

What really takes the cake and all the whipped cream and cherries on top for me, is that these types of people inevitably begin to complain about the time spent doing the things they refused advice on. Or, they just complain about how the way they’re doing it doesn’t seem to work properly, or they are suffering, or some other similar infantile monologue.

Why? Why? Why?

Not pregnant

Published
by
theroo
on June 17, 2008
in Inane and Rue
. 9 Comments

You know that feeling you get when you think you’re pregnant and you freak out and then you take a pregnancy test and it comes back negative?

I’m NOT PREGNANT!

Damn it feels SO good.

(disclaimer for those who always read into what I say too much: always use protection)

Milk

Published
by
theroo
on January 30, 2008
in Inane
. 5 Comments

milkdance.gif

Oh Ate

Published
by
theroo
on January 2, 2008
in Inane and Rue
. 8 Comments

2007 went a little like this:

London, Barcelona, London…
Sigh in Singapore
What the.
Wow.
Work work work, numbers, numbers, numbers.
Stupid people.
More work. Credit, credit, credit..
Wedding, wedding.
Wedding, wedding.
Youth.
Penang. Penang.
Taipei, Japan.
Christmas.
More sighing.
PSP!
Do you want more…

And 2008 has gone a little like this…

…responsibility?

Happy New Year everyone (and Merry Christmas while I’m at it)

Meme

Published
by
theroo
on October 15, 2007
in Inane and Rue
. 14 Comments

Taggged by HL. HL: It’s not that I don’t not like memes/tags (though yeah okay they’re a bit weird sometimes) just that no one tags me anymore. *sniff*

4 Jobs I have had in my life :

Library book measurer (what’s that you ask? Well, I measured books. In a library. No, with a tape measure, not a ruler. Yes, in London)
Event organizer / admin thingy
Relationship Manager (read - banker. Getting paid as much as I was when I was a library book measurer mind you)
Photographer

4 Places I have lived :

Actually I’ve only ever lived in four places my entire life.

Tooting Bec, London (5 years)
New Malden, London (19 years)
Ghim Moh, Singapore (6 months)
Holland Village, Singapore (1 year)

4 Countries I have been to on vacation :

Four only? (says the pretentious me)
Okay let’s list the four that most have probably not been to…

Croatia
Hungary
Israel
Ukraine

4 of my Favourite Foods :

Rib Eye steak, medium rare
Canard
Foie Gras
Aberdeen beef burger from Gourmet Burger Kitchen

4 Places I would rather be right now :

Bed
London
My bed in London
Hyde Park (on a warm summer’s day with my skates and a camera and some beautiful friends and a Frisbee and some frappuccinos. And a picnic basket with bread flutes and good butter and some nice ham or corned beef maybe and strawberries and cream.)

4 tags
bao, vinny, jo, shannokee, coern, giraffe, Jo, wenjiajia, zaz, cord-alive (okay that’s 10 but what the heck, I dunno who else reads this that blogs on a regular basis)

Dolls

Published
by
theroo
on October 12, 2007
in Inane and Rue
. 4 Comments



Look, it’s me! How cool (and gay) is this?!
(click on the image to make your own)

Habitual Perpetual-ness

Published
by
theroo
on October 3, 2007
in Inane, Photography and Rue
. 3 Comments

When you think back on the past, isn’t it strange how things used to be habitual? About six months ago, it was almost ritualistic to go to His Grace Café and drink ice blended coffee at half the price of Starbucks.This time last year, it was almost ritualistic to go to that dessert stall and eat mango pudding. Two years ago, every Sunday, it was Loon Tao and wa dan siew ngap chow hor. Five years ago, London seemed so habitual. As did the rain. Strange, how these habits seemed to linger and seem so natural.

And so also isn’t it with people? I used to see you every week, and we all used to talk together and sing together. I used to spend time catching up with you, praying for you. It’s just so bizarre, really, how people can really just come, and become so familiar, only to disappear the next year, or the year after. And yet, the people that linger in your heart the most, are those that you disliked the most.

And yet now, you don’t really miss those things, do you? Well, I suppose in a way you do, or you used to (remember how habitual that used to be?) or moan about Singapore, or complain about how much you miss home (read “London”). Those things used to be habitual, for sure. You used to sit in some church and wonder “why?” and ponder really whether there was ever going to be another place where you could serve and actually be happy doing it, enjoying it, and get back into that way of life. That used to be habitual.

I guess moving on, getting up, carrying yourself, it’s all sort of a long drawn process. And if you think about it, a year or two isn’t really that long a time. It felt like it, but I guess that was how it felt at the time, a sort of perpetual, habitual, rummaging in your bag of sorrow time. Of course I can’t say everything is perfect. I guess life might get pretty boring if it all was. It’s all a journey, as they say, and honestly, I do try to cut out the clichés and throw up sappiness of it all, but hey, that’s just the way it is and you all know it too.

Two close people left me last week, and it was interesting because I remember being in a similar situation last year, though under pretty different circumstances. This year was good. I guess I tried to make it that way, and as it draws to a close I think I can safely say that the economy is back on the rise. Interest rates are down. Sub prime issue is over. I’ve got my investments in good places. All I can say, really, is that when, and if the bubble does burst, that I have the foundations to keep me in place.

Thanks. God.

p.s. the photo doesn’t have anything to do with the post.